Blue plastic memories of the fells

Letter contains memories of blue plastic spoon

Following the Herdwick Droppings story last week of the two dog walkers who discovered a mystery blue plastic bag in Grasmere, a reader has written in with a witty and suprising tale, not of a blue plastic bag, but a blue plastic spoon instead!

Barry and Betty Wilson wrote to us, saying that the blue plastic bag find reminded them of a walk up Scafell.

"We had a lovely walk up to Scafell quite a few years ago, wrote Barry. The weather was a bit damp, but we were tough old Lake District walkers, indeed some of our friends commented that we spent so much time on the fells we might turn into sheep if we weren't careful!

During their walk up to the highest point, the rambling couple stopped by Sty Head tarn to have a quick rest stop.

"As I rested, My eyes were wandering all over the place, when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted in the mid-distance a touch of blue," Barry continues.

At first Barry was puzzled, as the small blue shape was lying between two rocks on the boulder strewn fellside. "I wondered if it was a bit of sky that had fallen off, noting a rich deep blue, and set off to examine the object". He then walked over "at an easy pace, trying to conceal my excitement in order not to alarm the object, which I did think was a blue plastic spoon, but was keeping in mind that it might be something else entirely. Possibly even poisonous," said Barry of his exploit.

When Barry reached the object he felt elated, "I was right! It was a blue plastic spoon," he tells. not liking litter and having what he describes as "a practical turn of mind" Barry put the spoon in his pocket.

On their way down, some hours later, Barry and Betty stopped for a nice cup of tea. "We like to have a rest stop on the way down, near the end of a good walk," Barry explained. however, this was no ordinary rest break.

"The sugar had settled in the flask," Barry noticed. "This can give some unevenly sweet tea at the end of a flask and it had been a very nice of tea indeed," said Barry. "I'll say one thing about Betty, it's that she makes a mean flask of tea and this one incident should not be allowed to outshine her normally excellent flasks," cautions Barry.

"The answer was to give the tea a bit of a stir before pouring out the two last cups," says Barry, "but then I had the quandary of precisely how the tea rotation was to be carried out."

While trying to resolve this tricky issue, Barry suddenly remembered the blue plastic spoon! could the previously discarded spoon solve their refreshment difficulty?

Barry said, "I was a little uncertain as it had been thrown away and we had no idea who by. This makes you ask serious questions of a spoon." Just then, Barry espied the beck running past their break spot and dashed over. "I gave the spoon a bit of a wash and dried it off with a hand tissue.

"Then I used it to stir the flask and I am delighted to report that two hardy fell walkers had a pleasantly sweet, but neither too sweet or not sweet enough, mug of tea to end a long ramble.

"I said to Betty, that was a long ramble." She said, "yes it was, wasn't it."

All thanks to a blue plastic spoon.

Unlicensed tarns appearing on felltops

 Officials puzzled by mystery tarns

Reports suggest that the number of mountain tarns in the Lake District has grown, but nobody knows who is responsible.

"I was walking up Bowfell last week," says Guy Beard, Chief Cagoule in the National Park Authority, "and when I arrived at Three Tarns, hoping to enjoy a sandwich before going on to the summit, I noticed a tarn, then another and another."

It just didn't stop," Beard continues, "there were a considerable quantity of tarns, far more than the three that gave the area it's name."

A special Tarn Count is being planned, using helicopter surveys and even satellites to monitor the tarns and try to discover the cause of the problem.

Beard said that the exercise would take ten years and cost around £10 million. He explained that this would seem like a large figure, but the continual cloud cover meant that it would take much longer to complete the survey.

Beard said that there may be a squad of 'Tarnspotters' who would patrol the fells looking for unusual tarn related activity.

Speaking at Lancaster University's Earth Science section, Professor Fox said there were several possibilities, ranging from aliens, which he considered "unlikely" to a gradual titling of the Earth "possibly caused by global warming".

In the meantime, fell walkers were advised to take care around tarns and report any suspicious behavior by the mountain lakes.

The Ordnance Survey said there would be an administrative fee for adding any new tarns to the maps and any that are not on the map should be considered "unlicensed and unofficial".

Tim Farron initiates major campaign against Tim Farron

Popular MP accused of 'playing politics with self'

Cumbrian MP, Tim Farron has announced a campaign against Tim Farron, the Member of Parliament for Westmorland and Lonsdale.

Farron, who has represented the area since 2005, has launched numerous campaigns against the government, frequently taking local causes all the way to Westminster.

However, many people may not know that Tim is also President of the Liberal Democrats who are in a coalition government with the Conservative Party.

When this was pointed out to the MP he then decided to take "a decision based on principles, on the liberal values that I hold dear" to launch a campaign to oust himself from office in protest at the government that couldn't exist without the party he is president of.

Farron also insisted that he would stand in the constituency at the next election saying that he could best represent the constituency.

Mystery find in White Moss

Dog walkers 'baffled' by blue plastic bag

Early morning dog walkers were accosted by the sight of a blue plastic bag on Tuesday, leaving them to wonder where it came from and who it belonged to.

Bob Burke and his friend Ron Hare were out walking their dogs, enjoying the peaceful calm of White Moss common between Grasmere and Rydal when they saw the blue plastic bag in the lower branches of a tree, and they were puzzled about what it was doing there.

"We like to meet up once a week or so and take our dogs out for a morning stroll," Bob told Herdwick Droppings. he explained, "Sometimes I'll ring Ron the night before and say 'The forecast is looking alright for tomorrow, shall we meet and take the dogs for a walk?' and ron will either say 'Aye' or  'perhaps.' Sometimes he rings me. It's a very informal type of arrangement."

It certainly seems to be, and one that keeps both Bob and Ron happy and healthy with their occasional morning perambulations. "We usually throw the dogs a stick or two as well," adds Ron, who says it's part of looking after a dog.

However, their dog exercising came to an abrupt halt on Tuesday. "We were just walking through the car park at White Moss, weren't we?" Bob asks Ron. "Aye, we were," affirms Ron.

Bob went on to explain that he had caught sight of a blue plastic bag on the lower branches of a tree. "I said to Ron, look! There's a blue plastic bag in yon tree!".

"Aye, there was," agreed Ron.

"It was a small blue plastic bag," says Bob, "not like those big fertilizer bags." "Nor like the blue bin bags," adds Ron.

The two gents examined the bag closely, "It were blue and made of plastic," said Bob. "Thin plastic," Ron elaborated.

Neither could work out the origin of the bag or what it was doing in a tree. "It doesn't look like litter, " Bob said, "as litter is usually found on the ground and this was up a tree, but not so far up."

Ron speculated that it might have contained some small items, possibly purchased locally, and was taken by a passing Raven. "They're often attracted to blue objects this time of year," he noted.

Bob considered that it may be the work of "modern pop stars" saying "it's the sort of thing I'd expect from them."

Bob added that he had kept the bag. "I tried to report it to the police as it might have gone missing and could have a sentimental value for the owner, but they were enjoying a nice cup of tea and I thought i'd leave them to it and report it later."

So the blue plastic bag mystery continues.

If you have lost a blue plastic bag or have any Lake District memories involving a blue plastic bag, contact the Herdwick Droppings Newsdesk.

Chaos at Dove Cottage

Week long 'orgy of destruction and lasciviousness' after poet's 'drug stash found'

The quiet of Grasmere village was broken last week when a wild party took over the establishment, with staff and visitors to Dove Cottage joining in "with complete abandon and unchecked recklessness" according to Captain Bob Sensible of the Cumbria constabulary.

Many visitors were seen wandering around the village "as lonely as a cloud" and twelve people were admitted to Westmorland General's psychiatric wing under the belief that they were daffodils.

The wild party continued for almost a week, causing traffic chaos and the closure of nearby public conveniences.

Investigators believe the incident started on Friday evening, just as the popular tourist attraction was closing, when a clean out of the attic led to the discovery of a parcel with a note saying "This'll see you right Willy boy, got it from a gentleman in Purlock, C".

This is believed to be a secret drug stash, presented to William Wordsworth by his friend, Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Accounts suggest that a "pungent sickly sweet smell" was released when the packet was opened, having a "delirious" effect on those around.

Around a dozen people felt the effects and as others came to see what was causing the commotion, it is feared that a motley collection of "powders, tablets and noxious resins" were consumed by the ever growing throng.

Many revelers were seen wandering around the nearby area, including a large group beached on the shoreline under Loughrigg Terrace, belied to be heading to worship "The Great Daffodil" which they believed was in Dora's Field, Rydal.

After a week, things began to slow down, which was met with relief by local retailers who had entirely extinguished their sweets. "There's not a single Mars bar on sale between Windermere and Keswick, said one newsagent in confidence.

Staff at John Ruskin's home, Brantwood, were said to be "consumed with deep, deep jealousy."

Green grass of home

Whatever the weather, grass just keeps on growing in Cumbrian valleys.

Visitors to Cumbria, from all points of the globe will be marveling at the beautiful green fells, but what makes them green?

It's the grass, say scientists. This small leafy plant is growing wild all over Cumbria, and the good news is that it grows faster than our sheep can eat it!

The plant comes in different varieties, long or short.

The hardy greenery seems to be indestructible according to friendly villagers. "The council come and cut it every now and then," said one elderly lady, who has seen a lot of grass grow in her 80 years in the Troutbeck valley, "but it just grows back," she adds.

"I don't see the point of it really, you'd think they would have more important things to do."

But there are others who look forward to the Spring, when the grass begins its annual growing. "Watching grass grow is not just exciting," says Dr Capston, from the Cumbria Greenery Investigation Team, "its by far the most interesting thing in many of our valleys."

Capston adds that they have noticed that grass was growing in slightly different shades of green and was concerned that some variations may not meet the approval of the special planning board.

Black hole found in Outgate

Skelwith Fold Caravan Park 'Concerned' over discovery

Scientists at the Newton Rigg experimental nuclear research unit have confirmed reports of the discovery of a black hole at Outgate, near the picturesque village of Hawkshead.

A black hole is a region of spacetime from which gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping and this is believed to be the first one to be found in the Lake District National Park.

There was mixed reactions to the news. Speaking for the National Park, Head Cagoule, Guy Beard said they would be calling for a special preservation order on the object, saying, "Black holes of stellar mass are expected to form when very massive stars collapse at the end of their life cycle. If follows that this one has been around for quite some time and it needs protection, despite it's habit of absorbing mass from its surroundings."

"Because of this, we have carried out a risk assessment and will be putting up a safety handrail a short distance away," Beard added.

However, despite the almost certainly earth shattering news, some were concerned, especially local businesses.

Tiny Cartell, president of the Outgate Traders Association warned, "The presence of an 'event horizon' will only add to the bureaucratic burden placed on the shoulders of small businessmen."