Scientists at the Newton Rigg experimental nuclear research unit have confirmed reports of the discovery of a black hole at Outgate, near the picturesque village of Hawkshead.
A black hole is a region of spacetime from which gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping and this is believed to be the first one to be found in the Lake District National Park.
There was mixed reactions to the news. Speaking for the National Park, Head Cagoule, Guy Beard said they would be calling for a special preservation order on the object, saying, "Black holes of stellar mass are expected to form when very massive stars collapse at the end of their life cycle. If follows that this one has been around for quite some time and it needs protection, despite it's habit of absorbing mass from its surroundings."
"Because of this, we have carried out a risk assessment and will be putting up a safety handrail a short distance away," Beard added.
However, despite the almost certainly earth shattering news, some were concerned, especially local businesses.
Tiny Cartell, president of the Outgate Traders Association warned, "The presence of an 'event horizon' will only add to the bureaucratic burden placed on the shoulders of small businessmen."
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